380、一方控制另一方的爱会完全剥夺婚姻之爱及其属天的快乐，因为如前所述，婚姻之爱及其快乐在于一方的意志就是另一方的意志，这是彼此相互的。婚姻中的控制欲会破坏这点，因为控制的一方只希望自己的意志在对方里面，却不希望对方的任何意志在自己里面，所以，这破坏了所有的相互关系，因而破坏了彼此的爱及其快乐的一切分享。然而，这种分享和随之而来的结合是内层快乐本身，被称为婚姻中的幸福。控制欲会彻底消灭这种幸福和婚姻之爱中属天、属灵的一切，甚至会毁灭所有关于这幸福的知识。如果婚姻之爱被提及，就会被人鄙视，以至于只要提到幸福来自这个源头，就会招致嘲笑或愤怒。
[2]当一方意愿或热爱对方所愿或所爱时，双方都有自由，因为一切自由都源于爱。但在有控制的地方，双方都没有自由。一方是奴隶，控制的一方也是奴隶，因为他（她）像奴隶一样被控制欲望牵引着。然而，不知道属天之爱的自由的人根本不能理解这一切。尽管如此，从前面关于婚姻之爱的源头和本质的阐述中可以看出，一旦控制进入，心智就不再结合而是分离。控制使人屈服，屈服的心智要么没有意志，要么有一个对立的意志。如果心智没有意志，也就没有爱；如果心智有一个对立的意志，仇恨便取代爱。
[3]生活在这种婚姻中的人的内层会处在相互冲突和争斗中，正如两个对立的事物贯常的那样，尽管为了安定的缘故，他们的外层可以克制、保持平静。在他们死后，内层的这种冲突和争斗就会显露出来，通常他们聚在一起，然后像敌人一样大打出手，互相撕扯；因为那时他们是照着内层的状态而行。我经常蒙允许看到他们彼此打斗和撕扯，有时充满巨大的仇恨和残忍。在来世，每个人的内层都被允许有一定的自由，他们不再因为世俗的考虑而受到外在事物的约束，那时，每个人正如他的内层一样。
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380. 一方对另一方的控制欲会完全摧毁婚姻之爱及其属天的快乐, 因为如前所述, 婚姻之爱及其快乐在于一方的意愿就是另一方的意愿, 这是相互的. 而婚姻中的控制欲会摧毁这一点, 因为控制的一方只希望他/她的意愿在对方里面, 却不想反过来接受对方的任何意愿. 所以, 这不是相互的, 双方缺乏对爱及其快乐的一切共享. 然而, 这种共享和随之的结合却是内在快乐本身, 这种快乐被称为婚姻中的祝福. 控制欲会彻底毁灭这种祝福和婚姻之爱中属天, 属灵的一切事物, 以至于连它存在的一切知识都会丧失. 有人甚至会说, 这爱被如此看贱, 以至于仅仅提及祝福来自这个源头, 就会招致嘲笑或愤怒.
当一方意愿或热爱对方所愿或所爱时, 双方都得自由, 因为一切自由皆源于爱. 然而, 当有控制存在时, 双方都不得自由; 一方是奴隶, 控制的一方也是奴隶, 因为他如同奴隶那样受控制欲驱使. 然而, 不知道何为天堂之爱的自由之人根本不理解这一切. 尽管如此, 从前面关于婚姻之爱的源头和本质的阐述也可以看出, 控制越进入, 心智就越分离而不是结合. 控制使人屈服, 屈服的心智要么没有意愿, 要么有一个对立的意愿. 心智若没有意愿, 也就没有爱; 若心智有一个对立的意愿, 仇恨便取代爱.
活在这种婚姻中的人之内层会陷入相互的冲突和争斗; 对于彼此对立的两种事物来说, 这是正常的, 无论它们的外层如何得以克制, 为求平安而保持平静. 其内层的这种冲突和对抗在他们死后会显明. 这时, 他们通常凑到一块, 然后像仇敌那样大打出手, 互相撕扯. 事实上, 他们是照着内层的状态而行. 我经常蒙允许看到他们彼此打斗, 撕扯, 有时充满巨大的仇恨和残忍. 在来世, 每个人的内层都被允许得到一定的自由, 因为他们不再受外在束缚或世俗考虑的约束. 那时, 每个人都里表一致.
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380. 控制欲的存在也完全毀壞婚愛及其屬天的快樂, 因為正如前面所說, 婚愛及其快樂產生於兩人的彼此聯屬, 而控制欲則將之摧毀, 因為控制的一方只希望對方遵從自己的意願, 而絲毫不願接受對方的意願。所以, 這不是彼此聯屬的關係, 缺乏愛與快樂的分享與回應。分享及隨之而來的結合是婚姻中稱為"幸福"的心靈之樂, 但控制欲使之窒息, 婚愛中一切屬天屬靈的品性也被其窒息, 乃至人完全不知它的存在。婚姻的幸福如此被人蔑視, 以致僅僅提起也遭人嘲笑或惹人憤怒。
當一方愛另一方所愛, 願另一方所願, 兩人就都得自由, 因為自由均源於愛。但是, 控制若存於其中, 兩人就都沒有自由。被控制的一方是奴, 控制的一方也是奴, 因為他(或她)被控制欲驅使, 如同奴隸。不知天國之愛有何自由者, 對此完全無法理解。但從前面有關婚愛之起源和本質的描述, 他們或能發現, 控制欲若存在, 心就不是結合的, 而是分離的。控制欲行征服, 被征服的一方要麼沒了意志, 要麼意志相對。沒了意志, 也就沒了愛;意志若相對, 仇恨便取代了愛。
處在如此婚姻中的人, 其心彼此衝突爭鬥(對立的事物必然如是), 儘管表面上為求相安無事而顯得平靜。死後, 內心的衝突爭鬥將顯明出來。他們常聚在一起, 又如仇敵一樣互相掐架。事實上, 他們是照內心的狀態而行。我偶爾遇見這種打鬥的場面, 有時充滿怨恨和殘忍的味道。在心靈世界, 每個人的心都允許有一定的自由, 不再受外在或塵世因素的約束。彼時, 人裡面如何, 外面也如何。
380. Any love of control of one over the other utterly destroys marriage love and its heavenly pleasure, for as already noted, marriage love and its pleasure consist of the intent of one belonging to the other, and of this being mutual and reciprocal. A love of being in control in a marriage destroys this because the dominant partner simply wants his or her will to be in the other, and does not want to accept any element of the will of the other in return. So it is not mutual, which means that there is no sharing of any love and its pleasure with the other, and no accepting in return. Yet this sharing and the union that follows from it is the very inward pleasure that is called blessedness in marriage. Love of being in control stifles this blessedness, and with it absolutely everything heavenly and spiritual about the love, to the point that even all knowledge of its existence is lost. One could even say that it is held so cheaply that the mere mention of [marriage] blessedness makes people laugh or flare up in anger.
[2] When one partner wants or loves what the other does, then there is a freedom for both, because all freedom stems from love. However, there is freedom for neither one when there is control. One is the servant; and so is the one in control, because he or she is being driven like a servant by a need to be in control. However, people who do not know what the freedom of a heavenly love is do not understand this at all. They might find out from the things just said about the origin and essence of marriage love, that as control comes in the door, minds are not united but severed. Control subjugates, and a subjugated mind either has no purpose or is of opposite purpose. If it has no purpose it has no love, and if it is of opposite purpose there is hatred in the place of love.
[3] The deeper natures of people who live in this kind of marriage clash and struggle with each other, as is normal for two things that are opposed to each other, no matter how their outer natures are restrained and tranquilized for the sake of peace. The clash and struggle of their inner natures comes out after their death. They usually get together and then battle each other like enemies and tear each other apart. They are in fact acting in accord with the state of their own deeper natures. I have occasionally been allowed to see how they fight and tear one another; some instances are full of spite and savagery. Everyone's deeper levels are allowed a certain freedom in the other life, being no longer constrained by outward considerations, for their worldly purposes. Then people are outwardly what they are inwardly.
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380. The love of dominion of one over the other entirely takes away conjugial love and its heavenly delight, for as has been said above, conjugial love and its delight consists in the will of one being that of the other, and this mutually and reciprocally. This is destroyed by love of dominion in marriage, since he who domineers wishes his will alone to be in the other, and nothing of the other's will to be reciprocally in himself, which destroys all mutuality, and thus all sharing of any love and its delight one with the other. And yet this sharing and consequent conjunction are the interior delight itself that is called blessedness in marriage. This blessedness, with everything that is heavenly and spiritual in conjugial love, is so completely extinguished by love of dominion as to destroy even all knowledge of it; and if that love were referred to, it would be held in such contempt that any mention of blessedness from that source would excite either laughter or anger.
[2] When one wills or loves what the other wills or loves, each has freedom, since all freedom is of love; but where there is dominion no one has freedom; one is a servant, and the other who rules is also a servant, for he is led as a servant by the lust of domineering. But all this is wholly beyond the comprehension of one who does not know what the freedom of heavenly love is. Nevertheless, from what has been said above about the origin and essence of conjugial love, it can be known that so far as dominion enters, minds are not conjoined but divided. Dominion subjugates, and a subjugated mind has either no will or an opposing will. If it has no will it has also no love; and if it has an opposing will there is hatred in place of love.
[3] The interiors of those who live in such marriage are in mutual collision and strife, as two opposites are wont to be, however their exteriors may be restrained and kept quiet for the sake of tranquillity. The collision and strife of the interiors of such reveals itself after their death, when commonly they come together and fight like enemies and tear each other; for they then act in accordance with the state of the interiors. Frequently I have been permitted to see them fighting and tearing one another, sometimes with great vengeance and cruelty. For in the other life, everyone's interiors are set at liberty; and they are no longer restrained by external things on account of worldly considerations, everyone then being just such as he is interiorly.
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380. The love of dominion of one over the other entirely takes away marriage love and its heavenly delight, for as has been said above, marriage love and its delight consists in the will of one being that of the other, and this mutually and reciprocally. This is destroyed by love of dominion in marriage, since he that domineers wishes his will alone to be in the other, and nothing of the other's will to be reciprocally in himself, which destroys all mutuality, and thus all sharing of any love and its delight one with the other. And yet this sharing and consequent conjunction are the interior delight itself that is called blessedness in marriage. This blessedness, with everything that is heavenly and spiritual in marriage love, is so completely extinguished by love of dominion as to destroy even all knowledge of it; and if that love were referred to it would be held in such contempt that any mention of blessedness from that source would excite either laughter or anger.
[2] When one wills or loves what the other wills or loves each has freedom, since all freedom is from love; but where there is dominion no one has freedom; one is a servant, and the other who rules is also a servant, for he is led as a servant by the lust of ruling. But all this is wholly beyond the comprehension of one who does not know what the freedom of heavenly love is. Nevertheless from what has been said above about the origin and essence of marriage love it can be seen that so far as dominion enters, minds are not united but divided. Dominion subjugates, and a subjugated mind has either no will or an opposing will. If it has no will it has also no love; and if it has an opposing will there is hatred in place of love.
[3] The interiors of those who live in such marriage are in mutual collision and strife, as two opposites are wont to be, however their exteriors may be restrained and kept quiet for the sake of tranquillity. The collision and antagonism of the interiors of such are disclosed after their death, when commonly they come together and fight like enemies and tear each other; for they then act in accordance with the state of the interiors. Frequently I have been permitted to see them fighting and tearing one another, sometimes with great vengeance and cruelty. For in the other life everyone's interiors are set at liberty; and they are no longer restrained by outward bounds or by worldly considerations, everyone then being just such as he is interiorly.
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380. Amor dominii unius super alterum prorsus tollit amorem conjugialem, et ejus caeleste jucundum nam, ut supra dictum est, amor conjugialis et ejus jucundum consistit in eo, ut unius voluntas sit alterius, et hoc mutuo et vicissim hoc amor dominii in conjugio destruit, nam dominans vult ut sua voluntas sola sit in altero, et reciproce alterius in semet nulla, inde non mutuum, proinde nulla communicatio alicujus amoris et ejus jucundi cum altero, et vicissim quae tamen communicatio et inde conjunctio est ipsa interior jucunditas, quae beatitudo vocatur, in conjugio; amor dominii hanc beatitudinem, et cum illa omne caeleste et spirituale illius amoris, prorsus exstinguit, usque adeo ut non sciatur quod sit; et si diceretur, pro tam vili haberetur, ut ad solam mentionem beatitudinis inde vel riderent vel irascerentur.
[2] Quando unus vult seu amat quod alter, tunc liberum est utrique, nam omne liberum est amoris at liberum nulli est, ubi dominium: unus est servus; dominans quoque, quia ducitur a cupiditate dominandi ut servus sed hoc prorsus non comprehendit, qui non scit quid liberum amoris caelestis. At usque ex illis quae de amoris conjugialis origine et essentia supra dicta sunt, sciri potest, quod quantum dominium intrat, tantum mentes non conjungantur sed dividantur: dominium subjugat, et mens subjugata vel nullius voluntatis est, vel est voluntatis oppositae; si nullius voluntatis, est quoque nullius amoris si voluntatis oppositae, est odium loco amoris.
[3] Interiora eorum, qui in tali conjugio vivunt, contra se mutuo collidunt et pugnant, sicut solent duo opposita inter se, utcunque exteriora retinentur et sedantur tranquillitatis causa; collisio et pugna interiorum illorum se revelat post eorum mortem conveniunt ut plurimum, et tunc dimicant inter se sicut hostes, et se mutuo dilaniant: agunt enim tunc secundum statum interiorum suorum. Pugnas et dilaniationes illorum aliquoties mihi datum est videre, et quorundam plenae erant vindictis et saevitiis: interiora enim cujusvis in altera vita mittuntur in liberum, nec amplius coercentur ab externis, propter causas in mundo quisque enim tunc talis est qualis est interius.